


I'm a Mess

by peggycarterislife



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers/Aliens, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, but quite a lot of fluff to make up for it, it's deadass just very gay and really cheesy, now with a tinge of angst, this was meant to be a one shot but y’all asked for more and who am I to say no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peggycarterislife/pseuds/peggycarterislife
Summary: “Why’d you tell her you’re dating someone?”“Because I panicked okay?” Alex huffed. “I told her about handing in my assignments earlier than everyone else, and instead of saying something nice for once she was like ‘well your sister surely would’ve done the same but she spends her free time with her girlfriend instead of studying all the time’. And don’t get me wrong, cause I’m happy for you guys, I really am, and I love Kara and I love that she’s happy with you, but would it really kill her to tell me I did something good?”Alex panics and tells Eliza she's dating her best friends's roommate, Maggie, the girl she's been crushing on for over a year. What will happen when Alex asks her to be her fake girlfriend?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so rileynoah thought taking a break from 'so it's you' and trying to write a one shot might be good for me??? idek you guys, he said it's readable so here ya go:D 
> 
> oh and this was kind of inspired by this post http://peggycarterislife.tumblr.com/post/165042148728/lilliphus-rifa-thedreamscaperer-honestly but then i changed it more than i was planning to... :D

“Be a dear friend and stab me, please?” Alex whined as she threw herself face first on the bed in her and Lena’s dorm.

Lena lifted her eyes from her laptop and glanced over at Alex, “Hey Alex. My day’s been pretty okay, thanks for asking.”

Alex lifted her head from the pillow, glaring at her sister’s girlfriend. “Happy to hear you had a good day,” she said, a fake smile plastered on her face. “Can you stab me already?”

Lena sighed, closing her laptop, she walked over to her friend’s bed. “What happened?” she asked as she nudged Alex to move over so she could sit down.

“Eliza,” Alex whined over-dramatically.

“Okay, care to elaborate?”

Alex sat up, leaning against the wall, she pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in them. “I’m such an idiot Lena,” she sighed.

“Newsflash,” Lena deadpanned, earning herself a deadly glare from Alex. “What’d you do?” she asked, her voice softer, as she placed a comforting hand on her friend’s knee.

She stared at the wall in front of her for a while before she finally mumbled, “I told her I have a girlfriend.”

“And don’t you?” Lena asked with a grin, barely dodging the pillow that Alex tried to hit her in the face with.

“Don’t be a dick.”

Alex knew she wasn’t very subtle about her crush. Hell, how could she be when Maggie freaking Sawyer was just so smart, and so tough, and just so gorgeous?

Freshman year Alex was really pissed off when she found out she wouldn’t be sharing a room with Lucy. But then she got to know the girl that would share the room with her best friend, and truth be told, she didn’t seem to mind that much anymore.

She spent a lot of time hanging out in Lucy’s room, and after some time, it wasn’t just with her best friend. Eventually they started hanging out even outside the dorm, and after a while, even without Lucy, Alex found herself falling for her new friend.

It wasn’t that bad, her friends didn’t make fun of her as much as she expected, and she had enough studying to keep her busy.

But then Maggie broke up with her  _ girlfriend. _

And when Lucy and Lena found out she was gay and single, they started giving Alex so much shit for not doing anything about it, and it only got worse when Kara got to NCU as well.

Before Lena and Kara started dating, Alex used to tease Lena about not doing anything about her crush either, but it only took her a few weeks to ask her little sister out, and so Alex had nothing to tease her about, not to mention that she wouldn’t hear the end of it from Lucy because ‘ _ even Kara’s got more game than you _ ’.

“Why’d you tell her you’re dating someone?”

“Because I panicked okay?” Alex huffed. “I told her about handing in my assignments earlier than everyone else, and instead of saying something nice for once she was like ‘ _ well your sister surely would’ve done the same but she spends her free time with her girlfriend instead of studying all the time’.  _ And don’t get me wrong, cause I’m happy for you guys, I really am, and I love Kara and I love that she’s happy with you, but would it really kill her to tell me I did something good?”

“So you panicked and told her you’re dating someone,” Lena finished for her.

“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “Well, not just someone…”

“Oh wow, that’s one way to get a girl’s attention,” Lena laughed. “Not that you already don’t have all of her attention.”

“Bullshit,” Alex shook her head, glaring at Lena.

“Alex, you’ve known her for a year and a half now, did she date anyone in the time you’ve known her?”

Alex scratched at the back of her neck, trying to remember. “Well she did have a girlfriend at the beginning of the first year.”

“No one even knew they were dating,” Lena protested. “Plus she dumped her like three weeks after she met you.”

“So?”

Lena frowned, crossing her arms on her chest. “We’ve been over this a thousand times Alex.”

Alex stood up from the bed and started pacing across the room. “There’s no way she’s into me, Lena. I mean, how could someone as amazing as her like someone like me?”

“Do I need to call your sister and Lucy for an intervention?” Lena asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Cause I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.”

“I’m just saying, there’s no way she likes me.”

“Then how do you explain the lack of her dating life ever since she met you? James says that she used to be a real ladies’ woman before.”

Alex came to a stop right in front of Lena, crossing her arms. “That’s because she’s busy with school.”

Lena cocked an eyebrow, looking at Alex incredulously. “Oh yeah, cause it would be so horrible to bone someone once in a while to relieve all that stress, yep.”

Alex sighed, rubbing her eyes. “We’re so not having this argument again.”

“We’ve been having this argument for over five minutes now.”

“Whatever,” Alex huffed as she sat down on Lena’s bed, on the opposite side of the room, resting her head in her hands.

“Look, I’m just saying that you should really give it a shot,” Lena said after a while, her voice softer. “This whole fake girlfriend thing actually gives you a great opportunity.”

“I guess so,” she said without looking up at Lena.

She heard footsteps and then felt how the bed beside her dipped as Lena sat down, putting an arm around her. “Go ask her to be your fake girlfriend. I guarantee she won’t say no.”

“Being my fake girlfriend isn’t the worst part,” Alex mumbled, face still buried in her hands.

“Alex?”

“I told my mom we were gonna do one of those horrible Christmas card shoots that Kara’s making you do,” she said as she slowly looked up at Lena just to find her biting her lip to keep from laughing.

“Well, uh,” she cleared her throat, “I’m sure Maggie won’t be able to say no to a romantic photoshoot in matching sweaters.”

~ ~ ~

She had texted Lucy to tell her that she needed her out of the room for an hour because she needed to talk to Maggie about something. Of course Lucy replied with a string of texts that Alex could practically see her shit eating grin through. And she knew she’d never get to hear the end of it but she also knew that she couldn’t ask Maggie to be her fake girlfriend in front of Lucy because that would only make everything worse.

She didn’t really bother with explaining why she needed to talk to Maggie in private, telling Lucy that she could ask Lena while she chats with Maggie.

So now here she was, pacing in front of Maggie’s room, wringing her hands nervously, trying to get the courage to knock on the damn door.

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket so she pulled it out to look at it. It was a text from Kara, and when Alex opened it she found that her little sister had sent her a video of _Kiss the Girl_ from The Little Mermaid followed by a row of emojis.

Rolling her eyes at her sister’s antics, she put the phone back into her pocket, deciding to have a talk with her little sister later. She took a deep breath as she counted to three and finally knocked on the door.

She could hear soft footsteps from the other side of the door before it swung open, a grinning Maggie leaning against it.

“Danvers, hey, come on in,” she stepped aside as she opened the door wider so Alex could walk in.

As she walked around Maggie she caught a waft of her perfume and nearly tripped over her own feet. “Hey, Maggie,” she smiled nervously, standing in the middle of the room, wringing her hands.

“Is everything okay?” Maggie asked as she closed the door and walked over to her own bed where she sat down.

“Yeah, why?” Alex asked, voice a little higher than she’d like it to be.

Maggie raked her eyes over her body and Alex could feel her knees going weak, but she didn’t move to sit down. “You seem a little off…”

“I do?” she squeaked out, cursing herself internally.

“Yeah…”

“Okay, uh, how do I begin, uh,” she ran her fingers through her hair as she started pacing. “I did something  _ really _ stupid…”

“Are you okay?” Maggie asked, concern in her voice.

“Yeah, I just, I wish I could turn back the time so I could take it all back, ya know.” Alex chuckled nervously as she sat down next to Maggie.

“You didn’t sleep with Max Lord, did you?”

Alex knew Maggie was trying to relieve some of the tension in the room but she couldn’t help but notice the thing that flickered in Maggie eyes and looked an awful lot like jealousy.

“What? No, ew,” she laughed, bumping her shoulder against her friend’s.

“Okay good,” Maggie chuckled. “Whatever it is, can’t be worse than that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep.”

Alex took a deep breath to calm her beating heart before she blurted out, “I told my mom that we’re dating.”

Maggie’s eyes went wide, a blush colored her cheeks. “You did what now?”

“I’m so sorry! It just kind of slipped out, one second I was just talking to her about how I’m doing and the next thing I know she’s praising Kara for how amazingly she’s doing, and she’s diminishing my accomplishments, and then I’m telling her I’m dating you so she’d finally tell me I’m doing something good, and you know what? I’m just gonna call her and tell her the truth. I shouldn’t have come here… I’m so sorry,” Alex stood up from the bed and wanted to get out of the room but she was stopped by Maggie’s hand, holding her wrist gently.

She smiled at her softly, patting the bed beside her with her free hand so Alex would sit down “Breathe, Alex.”

Alex took a deep breath as she sat down next to Maggie, noticing how the other girl didn’t let go of her wrist even though she sat down-not that she was complaining. “I’m sorry,” she grinned apologetically.

“It’s okay,” Maggie smiled reassuringly.

“Yeah?”

Maggie bowed her head slightly, a lopsided grin on her face. “It’d be an honor to be your fake girlfriend.”

Before she realized what she was doing, Alex surged forward, hugging Maggie tightly. “You’re the best.”

“Yeah, well, what are friends for, Danvers?” Maggie asked, with a somewhat sad smile- which Alex decided not to dwell on in the moment- after they pulled apart.

“Dressing up into matching sweaters for a romantic photoshoot?”

Maggie’s eyes went wide with horror, “The one that Kara and Lena are doing?”

“The one that Kara and Lena are doing,” Alex nodded.

Maggie groaned, rubbing her forehead with her index and middle finger. “Those freaking sweaters better be less… Kara.”

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry about that,” Alex chuckled.

The sweaters that her little sister had picked for the photo shoot with her girlfriend were, well, too Kara. Bright red with a big reindeer head that had a sewn-on red nose, which when you squeezed would start playing  _ Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer _ .

When Lena didn’t protest after seeing how happy Kara was about them, Alex knew two things. One, Lena really loved her little sister, and two, she was out of her freaking mind.

“We should probably make up a few stories,” Maggie said after they sat in silence for a while. “Ya know, to make it more believable in case I ever meet your mom. Like first dates, and who asked who out…”

“Yeah, good idea,” Alex agreed. “So, I asked you out-“

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“Because I would totally be the one doing the asking out,” Maggie protested.

“Bullshit.”

“You know what?” Maggie stood up from the bed, walking over to the door. Let’s ask the girls what they think.”

“Fair enough I guess,” with a sigh Alex stood up from the bed, following Maggie out the door and down the hallway to her own room.

~ ~ ~

“It’s seriously not that funny,” Alex huffed, annoyed.

Lucy was lying on the bed, gripping her stomach tightly as she laughed her ass off. She’d been laughing for over five minutes, so hard she was crying.

Alex and Maggie were standing by the door, not having moved since they walked in and asked the question.

“It actually is,” Kara lifted her head from Lena’s shoulder where she was trying to muffle her laughter.

Maggie folded her arms across her chest, frowning. “It’s not.”

“It really is,” Lena nodded, biting her lip to keep herself from laughing any more.

“What’s so funny about it?” Alex snapped.

Lucy sat up on the bed, taking deep breaths to calm herself down a bit. “You’re essentially asking us which one of you would top,” she barely managed to get the sentence out before she was cackling again.

Maggie’s jaw dropped, and Alex’s cheeks turned almost as read as Kara’s and Lena’s sweaters. “No we’re not,” she protested, her voice much higher than she’d like.

“We just asked you who would be the one to ask the other out,” Maggie forced out after she managed to close her mouth.

Lena cleared her throat, raising her hand as if she was asking permission to speak. “I believe it was you, Maggie, who asked us, which one seems more dominant, after we told you we didn’t know who’d do the asking out…”

“You guys are the worst,” Maggie huffed, turning around to leave. “Wanna get some pizza, Danvers?”

Alex glared at her friends, turning around to follow Maggie. “Yes, please.”

~ ~ ~

It was exactly three days later, Alex and Maggie were alone in Maggie’s room, lying next to one another in her bed, watching some mindless show on Netflix, when Alex’s phone started ringing.

And she nearly got a heart attack when she heard the ringtone. Because it was the special ringtone she had set for her mother. And the last time they called she told her she was dating Maggie. And now she was calling her, and Alex was alone with Maggie, and her mom would surely ask about her, and Alex needed to remind herself to breath.

She quickly grabbed the phone, noticing that it was a video call her heart started beating even faster. Showing the phone to Maggie silently, as if Eliza could hear them.

“Shit,” Maggie mouthed.

“I have to pick up,” Alex whispered.

Maggie took a deep breath, pausing the show, before she nodded. “Okay.”

Alex took Maggie’s hand into hers, squeezing it tightly, just to make the whole thing believable of course, even though Eliza couldn’t see their hands. 

She took a deep breath, put a wide smile on her face and finally answered the call. “Mom!”

“Hi sweetie, how are you?” Eliza smiled at her daughter.

Maggie leaned closer to Alex, so Eliza could see her as well. “Hello doctor Danvers.”

“You must be Maggie,” Eliza’s face lit up when she saw her. “I’d love to say that I’ve heard a lot about you but I actually only got to know you exist three days ago.”

Alex’s grip on Maggie’s hand tightened, she could feel Maggie squeeze back gently, reassuringly. “Yeah, that’s actually kind of my fault… I asked if we could keep it quiet for a while, because I broke up with my ex-girlfriend to be with your daughter, and I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already had,” Maggie grinned apologetically.

Alex glanced over at Maggie as she was talking, she couldn’t believe that she was actually trying to take the blame on herself.

“I see,” Eliza nodded. “So tell me, how long have you been together exactly?”

Alex felt Maggie tense up at the question because of course Eliza would ask the one thing that they didn’t discuss. “Two months,” Alex replied, feeling Maggie relax slightly.

“Two months and you didn’t tell me anything Alexandra?” Alex felt her stomach sink at her mother’s tone, at how she called her Alexandra.

Maggie must’ve sensed it though because she moved even closer, kissing the underside of Alex’s jaw, as Alex tried not to shiver at the contact. “She respects me, that’s one of the things I love the most about her,” Alex turned to look at her, her breath hitching, as she noticed the way Maggie was looking at her, soft, and sweet, and loving, and it didn’t feel like she was faking it at all.

She swallowed thickly, reminding herself that she had her mom on the phone, she forced herself to look away. “Well aren’t you two just adorable,” Eliza smiled at the two of them. “I have to go now, Alexandra, Alex, I just wanted to check in with you to see how you’re doing, and I think that dopey smile on your face is enough of an answer.”

Her eyes went wide, cheeks red. “Mom.”

“It was nice to finally get to know you Maggie,” Eliza continued, ignoring Alex. “Take good care of my daughter.”

“Will do ma’am,” Maggie smiled as she nuzzled into Alex’s shoulder, and Alex had to remind herself that it’s just to keep up the act.

“Call me Eliza, sweetie,” she smiled as she corrected her. “Oh, and you should totally come visit us during Christmas break, Lena’s coming over to celebrate New Year’s with us, so maybe you could come with her?”

Alex went to protest, to tell her mom Maggie was busy, that there was no way she could make it but Maggie beat her to it, “I would love that, Eliza.”

“Okay, girls, I have to get back to the lab now, have a nice day, and Alex tell your sister I say hi,” before Alex could say anything Eliza canceled the call.

Maggie chuckled into Alex’s shoulder, not moving away. “That was…”

“One big shit show, yeah,” Alex finished.

They laid like that in silence for a while, Maggie’s head on Alex’s shoulder, their fingers still tangled before Maggie broke the silence. “Don’t worry I’m not actually gonna come over on New Year’s. I just wanted to buy us some time to figure out a good excuse.”

Alex’s stomach sank at that, but she knew this wasn’t a real relationship, there was no reason for Maggie to spend her the New Year’s Eve with her. “Right.”

“Do you wanna get back to watching?” she asked after Maggie still didn’t move from her position on Alex’s shoulder.

“Can we just nap for a bit? I’m really tired,” she mumbled, nuzzling even closer, and Alex felt like someone was squeezing her heart in their fist. Because she was cuddling with Maggie freaking Sawyer, which was pretty much all she’d been dreaming about since last year- among other things- but there was no way it could be anything but friendly.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Maybe you should put the laptop away though.”

“Right,” Maggie sat up, letting go of Alex’s hand, she grabbed the laptop and closed it, putting it on the floor next to the bed.

Alex didn’t even have time to miss the warmth of Maggie’s body because she cuddled right back into her, this time throwing an arm around Alex’s waist, and tangling out of her legs with Alex’s. “This okay?”

“Yeah,” Alex squeaked out, cursing herself internally for not being able to keep it together.

Who could blame her though? A gorgeous woman, who she’d been crushing on for over a year, was lying next to her, wrapped around her, and if Alex thought she had it bad before, she was pretty much doomed now.

She was lying there, not knowing what to do with her limbs, not wanting to move so she wouldn’t disturb Maggie, so would stay wrapped around her.

“I don’t bite,” Maggie pulled her out of her musings.

“Huh?”

To answer her question Maggie took her right hand and wrapped it around her own waist, pulling Alex closer into her. And Alex found herself praying to whatever deity there was to make her heartbeat quieter.

“Night, Alex,” Maggie mumbled, making Alex shiver as her breath ghosted across her neck.

“Night, Maggie,” she whispered, not daring to speak any louder.

She was almost asleep when she heard Maggie’s quiet chuckle, “Lane’s gonna give us so much shit when she finds us like this. Not that I care…” 

~ ~ ~

Two days, and a lot of teasing from all of their friends later-because Lucy just  _ had to  _ take a picture of their  _ friendly _ nap- they found themselves in the school’s photo studio with James, after they a good hour of trying to get Lucy, Lena, and Kara out of there.

James had chosen a green screen as a background, saying Winn would photoshop it later, and an old brown leather sofa that was beyond worn out.

They were both standing and looking at the scene in front of them, separating themselves with James between them, both of them too nervous to move.

“As much as I lover your company, guys, I’ve a lecture in two hours,” James said, breaking the awkward silence.

“Right, sorry,” Alex walked over to the sofa, proud of herself for tripping over her feet only once. Sitting down on the sofa, she watched as Maggie walked over to her with her usual confidence, and Alex had to look to compose herself.

Instead of matching sweaters, they both agreed to wear red checked flannels, because it just felt more like them. Not that there was a  _ them _ , it felt more like Alex and Maggie, who were just friends, nothing more.

God Alex was fucked.

The first couple of minutes of the photo shoot went pretty well.

They took a few shots just sitting on the couch, sitting right next to each other, Alex’s arm thrown over Maggie’s shoulders. At some of the pictures they were looking at one another, on others they were laughing on James’s jokes.

After that he told them to just sit on opposite ends of the couch and tangle their legs together, which was okay as well.

But then he asked Alex to lie down on her back, and Maggie to lie right on top of her. To pretend that they fell asleep on the couch, one on top of the other.

And it wasn’t really bad. It wasn’t bad at all. But when Maggie looked down at her with a nervous smile, and slowly lowered herself onto her, intertwining their legs together as she rested her head on Alex’s chest, Alex nearly had an aneurysm, what a way to go.

She was pretty sure that Maggie could hear her heart slamming in her chest, and she tried taking deep breaths, but there was no way she was going to calm down.

“Alex?” James’s voice pulled her back to Earth.

“Yeah?”

“Could you maybe, if Maggie doesn’t mind of course, put your hands in the back pockets of her jeans? It’ll look more intimate, ya know…”

Alex could hear Maggie saying that she doesn’t mind, could feel her hands slipping into the pockets without really giving them a command. She could feel the burning blush on her cheeks and all she could hear was her own heart pounding in her ears.

She was holding Maggie’s ass. And even though there were two layers- Alex didn’t want to let her mind explore the alternative with only one layer- between her hands and Maggie’s skin, Alex had never felt… well, gayer.

And then Maggie was nuzzling into her slightly exposed collar bone, and Alex just let herself enjoy the moment, as she buried her nose in Maggie’s hair, closing her eyes. Just letting all of her senses to be flooded by Maggie Sawyer.

But it was over too fast, James telling them what a great job they’re doing, how it actually looks real, joking if they didn’t want to consider a change of career because they sure were great actresses.

They sat next to each other, waiting for James to tell them what to do next, while he looked through the pictures he’d taken.

And then it happened.

Alex felt like her whole was suddenly spinning because James asked them if they were okay with kissing for a few shots, to make the whole thing look like they really were in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, and Alex felt like she was about to throw up.

Not that she didn’t want to kiss Maggie, hell, she’d been wanting to do that for what seemed like forever. But she didn’t want to do it like this. She didn’t want to kiss her and then go back to being friends, to watching Maggie kiss some other girl.

But Maggie was nodding her head and looking at Alex with those big brown eyes, looking all vulnerable, and Alex couldn’t say no to her.

“Okay, um, help me move the couch?” he asked, and before Alex could even react Maggie had already lifted it on the other side, helping James carry it away. 

Alex turned around, watching her walk back, letting her eyes drop to her waist where Maggie had her flannel tucked in, swallowing thickly as she looked back up to meet Maggie’s warm eyes.

“Hey, you okay?” Maggie asked her softly, quietly, stopping right in front of her, taking her hands into her own, rubbing soothing circles with her thumbs.

“Yeah,” Alex breathed, trying to smile but failing.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Maggie looked up at her, smiling reassuringly, and Alex’s knees just felt so weak, she wished they still had the couch there so she could sit down.

“I’m okay, Maggie, really.”

“Alex I don’t wanna force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” James said as he walked over to them.

“I wanna kiss her, okay?” she snapped, feeling her cheeks go red again when she saw James’s knowing smile. Feeling her heart beat a little faster when she looked at Maggie and saw the soft, almost adoring look in her eyes, and for a second there she let herself hope that maybe, maybe she’s not reading into anything, maybe her friends are right, maybe she does stand a chance.

“Okay,” said James, preparing his camera. “Whenever you’re ready, guys.”

And then Maggie was standing on her tiptoes as she squeezed Alex’s hands even tighter in hers, Alex leaning down and meeting her halfway. And when they lips finally met, Alex knew there was no way she could ever kiss anyone but Maggie, because her lips felt just so soft, so perfect, so right, moving against her own.

And when they both pulled back because they needed air, they didn’t even notice how James left with a wide happy grin on his face and a camera in his hand, knowing that the picture of their first kiss would make a pretty good wedding gift in a couple of years.

“Wow,” Alex breathed, as she swallowed thickly, her eyes still closed, not daring to open them and break the moment, to open them and pretend she sees Maggie as nothing but a friend again, to open them and see Maggie looking at her as friend.

But then she felt Maggie’s forehead against hers and Maggie’s warm breath on her lips as she chuckled. “Why haven’t we done that sooner, Danvers?” and she got that little bit of bravery that she needed to pull back and open her eyes, to look at Maggie and see nothing but pure adoration and joy.

She felt tears stinging her eyes as she laughed happily, shaking her head she shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d want to.”

“You’re joking right?” Maggie looked at her incredulously.

“No, why?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to,” they both laughed as Maggie let go of Alex’s hands, cupping her jaw she looked up at her. “Would you maybe want to do it again?”

“Most definitely,” Alex replied, a soft smile on her lips, pulling Maggie closer by her elbows as she kissed her again.

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie spends New Year's in Midvale with Alex aka over 6k words of gay nonsense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so y'all asked for it and who am i to say no ey? :D so here ya go hope you'll enjoy cause it took me A LOT to get this out of me:D
> 
> i know it took me pretty long to write this but i was working on 'So it's you' and i had a 5k long chapter ready for y'all but then my laptop restarted and everything got deleted:))) (needless to say i wanted to die) didn't really feel like writing the same thing again so i wrote this instead:D hope you'll like it and i swear i'll try to update 'So it's you' asap

“Do you see them?” Kara asked, craning her neck as she stepped on her tiptoes, as if that would somehow allow her to see through the wall that was between the baggage reclaim and the main hall.

“Nope,” Alex shook her head, wringing her hands together nervously.

She couldn’t remember the last time she was this stressed out. Her girlfriend- god, even after they’d been together for almost two months, she still couldn’t believe Maggie Sawyer was her girlfriend- was meeting her mother for the first time, and sure they spoke on the phone a few times when Eliza called and they were together but this was different.

Nothing Alex did was ever good enough for her mom. And she was terrified that Eliza wouldn’t approve of her girlfriend, even though she’d told her Maggie seems like a very sweet girl, and that she was glad to see that Alex had finally found someone. But Alex knew her mother, and she was just waiting for her to drop the act and tell her how much she disappointed her this time.

And if Eliza really told her she was disappointed in her for dating Maggie, Alex knew she wouldn’t hold back this time. Because Maggie was just amazing, she was so smart, and kind, and tough and just gorgeous, the best thing that had ever happened to her, and she would rather die than not stand up for her.

The only thing that kept her remotely calm was that her mom wouldn’t come home until around five, which meant that she’d get to spend around two hours with Maggie on her own, without having to deal with Eliza.

“Lena texted me they landed like ten minutes ago, what’s taking them so long?” Kara asked, pouting.

Alex chuckled, shaking her head at her sister’s antics, “Probably waiting getting off the plane? Waiting for their luggage?”

“I haven’t seen her in like a week, Alex,” Kara whined, “One week!”

“I know, Kara.”

“It’s been a week since you last saw Maggie, how are you this okay?”

Truth was she was nowhere near okay, but she knew that if she let herself deal with any other emotion than the panic caused by the thought of her mother meeting her girlfriend, she wouldn’t be able to cope with anything. So she just did what she did best and pushed everything down.

That of course didn’t mean that her heart wasn’t hammering like crazy at the thought of finally seeing Maggie after the first week they spent apart since they started dating.

“We skype a lot,” she shrugged, not even looking at her sister.

“Alex, I’m your sister, I know you, and I know you’re freaking out right now.”

“Not helping, Kara…”

Kara sighed, fixing her glasses. “I’m just saying, you- oh my gosh, Lena!”

Alex sent a quick thanks to the universe for getting her out of having this conversation with her sister right now. She knew if she wanted to survive the next couple of days, she couldn’t really dwell on her emotions.

Her eyes followed the direction in which her sister ran, her heart skipping a beat when she spotted Maggie, wearing Alex’s NCU sweatshirt, a duffle bag on her shoulder.

Alex didn’t run like Kara, knowing she’d trip because her knees just felt weak- even after those two months of dating her- when she saw the way Maggie smiled at her, making her way over to her.

Dropping her duffle to the ground she threw her arms around Alex’s neck, hugging her tightly as Alex snaked her arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

She felt Maggie bury her nose in her neck, taking a deep breath, “Hi.”

“Hi,” she breathed out, letting herself relish the feeling of being in her girlfriend’s arms again.

“Not to be cheesy,” Maggie grinned as she pulled back, ducking her head a little, “but I really missed you, Danvers.”

“I really missed you too, babe,” Alex sighed as she leaned in to kiss her, unable not to smile into the kiss because she was just so damn happy her girl was with her again.

Maggie pulled back from the kiss, a dopey smile on her face, “Yeah?”

Alex nodded, running her fingers through Maggie’s hair, tucking it behind her ears, “Of course.”

They were pulled out of their little bubble by Lena who didn’t really bother to let go of Kara’s hand while hugging Alex with the other one, “Good to see you, Alex.”

“You too.”

“Come on guys, let’s go,” Kara whined, pulling Lena by her hand.

Chuckling at her little sister, Alex picked up Maggie’s bag and slung it over her shoulder, ignoring Maggie’s protests that she’s perfectly capable of carrying it on her own, and took Maggie’s hand into hers, bringing it up to her lips and kissing her knuckles.

“I’m happy you’re here,” she smiled, looking into her girlfriend’s eyes.

“Me too.”

“Alex! We’re gonna leave without you!” Kara yelled.

“We should go,” Maggie laughed, pulling Alex towards the exit.

“She wouldn’t do that,” Alex shook her head. “Plus I have the car keys so…”

“Wait, that means you’re driving?” Maggie asked as they walked out of the airport, making their way across the parking lot to where their car was.

“Yep.”

“But babe,” Maggie whined.

Alex frowned at her in confusion as she opened the trunk of the car and threw Maggie’s duffle in. “What?”

“I can’t sit close to you when you’re driving,” she pouted, making Alex laugh.

She shut the trunk, walking over to open the door for Maggie. “I’ll hold your hand the whole way, I promise,” she smiled as she kissed her cheek before Maggie hopped in.

“Okay,” Maggie nodded, a dimpled smile making its way on her face.

“And trust me,” Alex leaned in closer as she intertwined their fingers together when she was seated behind the wheel, “it’s better this way, at least we don’t have to suffer through Kara’s terrible music choices.”

“Hey! I heard that!”

~~~

“I know we said no gifts,” Alex started once they were sitting on the bed in her room, moving to pull a neatly wrapped gift out of her bedside table, “but I couldn’t help myself…”

A couple of days after the photoshoot Alex went to see James, to get the pictures he took. As they went over all the pictures, debating which would be the best for the Christmas card, Alex’s eyes landed on one particular shot, the last one. She swore her heart stopped for a second when James showed the picture to her in full size. The picture was unedited, unlike all the other ones, but it was the most perfect picture Alex had ever seen.

It was a picture of their first kiss.

Without having to think twice about it, she had the picture printed and framed, knowing it would be the perfect gift for her girlfriend, albeit a bit cheesy.

“Alex,” Maggie frowned as she failed to hide the smile that was making its way on her lips.

Alex bit her lip nervously, handing the gift to Maggie. “I know it’s fucking cheesy,” she chuckled, her heart beating like crazy in her chest as she watched Maggie unwrap it with slightly shaky hands.

“Al,” she breathed out once she had pulled all the wrapping off, fingers tracing the photo frame.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it! I know it’s stupid, but when I saw it I just, I don’t know… I thought it was pretty great, and that you might like it? But it’s absolutely okay if you don’t! I mean-“

“Danvers.”

“Yes?” Alex looked up at her, seeing the soft smile and unshed tears in Maggie’s eyes.

“Shut up and let me kiss you?”

Alex nodded leaning in to meet Maggie in a soft kiss, not unlike their first. “So you like it?”

Maggie looked at the framed picture she was still holding tightly in her hands. “It’s perfect, I love it, Alex. I lo- thank you…”

Alex’s heart skipped a beat at the words that had nearly slipped out of her girlfriend’s mouth. They hadn’t said it yet, after all they’d only been together for two months. And even though Alex had no doubt about the fact that she was in love with Maggie, she hadn’t told her, scared it was too soon.

And it wasn’t like she hadn’t come close to saying the words herself because she had, so many times she’d lost count. But she’d rather choke on the words for a little while than screw this up.

“Don’t think I didn’t get you anything, Danvers,” Maggie grinned smugly, standing up to put the picture on Alex’s desk.

“Oh?”

“Well, I didn’t really get  _ you _ anything but I did get it  _ for _ you…”

Alex furrowed her brow in confusion. “I don’t think I’m following.”

Maggie walked over to the bed, standing between Alex’s legs. “How long do you think we have before Kara and Lena come back from the beach?”

“I’d say more than half an hour.”

“Perfect,” Maggie grinned before she pulled Alex’s sweatshirt off, along with her shirt, and Alex’s throat went dry.

Her girlfriend was standing there in a lacey black bra and Alex had no idea what oxygen was. Sure, she’d seen her topless before, she’d seen her in underwear that was all lace, hell she’d seen her naked before, but this was different. Because Maggie said she got  _ that _ just for Alex, and Alex’s brain couldn’t form any other thought.

She licked her lips, swallowing roughly, as she forced herself to look into her girlfriend’s eyes instead of looking at her boobs. “Now I’m following,” she rasped.

“I take it you like it?” Maggie asked, a smug grin on her face.

Alex just nodded, clearing her throat, “Do the, uh, I, is it like, uh…”

“Use your words Alex,” Maggie chuckled, tangling her fingers in her girlfriend’s hair.

“Do the panties match?” Alex blurted out, her cheeks burning.

“Well,” Maggie bit her lip, her voice dropping lower as she leaned closer to Alex, “only one way for you to find out.”

~~~

“Belated merry Christmas I guess,” Maggie chuckled as she kissed Alex’s collar bone, resting her head on her chest.

“Hmm,” Alex hummed contently, tangling her fingers in Maggie’s hair. “Merry Christmas indeed.”

“How did you like your gift?” Maggie asked as she traced circles across Alex’s ribcage.

“Babe, I’m pretty sure even the neighbors could tell how much I loved it,” Alex laughed.

Laughing, Maggie snuggled deeper into Alex. They fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying the feeling of their naked bodies tangled together.

Alex felt so content. This whole week she spent home didn’t really feel like  _ home _ . Lying there, in Maggie’s arms, feeling the gentle circles Maggie’s fingers drew across her ribcage as she carded her fingers through her hair, felt like  _ home _ .

And even though the thought should’ve probably terrified her, she’d never felt happier, more at ease, than right now in that moment, as she craned her neck to kiss the top of Maggie’s head, burying her nose in her girlfriend’s hair, just breathing her in.

Maggie propped herself up on one elbow, looking down at Alex. “I really missed you Al.”

Alex felt her heart stutter when she saw the way Maggie was looking at her, soft eyes and a gentle smile on her lips, looking so gorgeous and vulnerable.

“Maggie,” Alex couldn’t say much more than her name, knowing it wasn’t the right time to blurt out the three words that she’d been dying to say.

“I mean,” Maggie started, a lopsided grin on her face, and Alex knew she was feeling too vulnerable, needing to lighten up the moment. She used to do that a lot, retreat back into her shell after exposing her feelings, and Alex noticed how sometimes she tried not to, but always ending up retreating. She never pushed her, she could never do that, but she couldn’t help but wonder what made her girl so cautious with her feelings. “My aunt’s pretty great, but I couldn’t really do this with her,” she leaned down, closing the small distance that was between their lips with a soft kiss.

Maggie deepened the kiss, making Alex moan as she slid on top of her. Alex brought her hands to Maggie’s back, pulling her closer, whimpering as Maggie slotted one of her thighs between her legs.

They were pulled out of the moment when they heard the front door slam. Maggie pulled back quickly, looking down at Alex with wide panicked eyes when they heard Eliza yell, “Hi girls!”

“Fuck,” she whispered, scrambling off of Alex as fast as she could.

“Well someone’s home early,” Alex chuckled as she got up of the bed, starting to pull her clothes on.

Her mom never walked in on her and her high school girlfriend, Vicky, never even interrupted her like this, so of course it would happen to her now, when she’s a grown ass woman.

Maggie pulled on her jeans and bra, pulling out a shirt out of her suitcase. She smiled when she saw Alex’s disappointed look when she didn’t put on her sweater. “I need you to wash it and wear it cause it doesn’t really smell like you anymore,” she explained chucking it at Alex.

She couldn’t see herself but Alex was pretty sure she had the dopiest smile on her face as she caught the sweater, looking at Maggie as she pulled on the shirt.

“How do I look?” Maggie asked after tucking her shirt in, trying to smooth her hair down.

“Like you just had sex in your girlfriend’s childhood bedroom,” Alex grinned as she pulled her shirt over her head.

Maggie’s eyes went wide with horror. “Alex, I’m about to meet your mother for the first time,” she whisper-yelled, “I can’t do that if I look like I just fucked _her_ _daughter_ in _her_ _house_!”

Alex got up off the bed, walking over to where Maggie was standing, she tucked Maggie’s hair behind her ears. “Don’t worry, babe, you look amazing,” she smiled at her softly, kissing her cheek. “She won’t know.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Maggie took Alex’s hand into hers, squeezing it tightly, “Okay.”

“Ready to meet my mom?”

“After I fucked her baby girl like five seconds ago? Yeah, totally,” Maggie scoffed.

Alex squeezed her hand reassuringly, tugging her towards the door, “She won’t know. Well, if we don’t get down there in the next ten seconds, she’ll totally know…”

Maggie’s eyes widened almost comically, her grip on Alex’s hand tightening-and for a second Alex thought she might break her fingers, but didn’t comment on it, needing the contact just as much as Maggie did- as she dragged her downstairs.

They found Eliza in the kitchen, unpacking some bags with grocery. She smiled broadly when she noticed the girls walk in, and Alex’s stomach tightened, waiting for the smile to fade away.

Alex let go of Maggie’s hand, missing the contact immediately, to hug her mom, but standing beside her right after, putting a reassuring hand at the small of her back. “Mom, this is my girlfriend, Maggie,” she smiled, still feeling giddy when she introduced Maggie as  _ her girlfriend _ .

“So nice to finally meet you, Maggie,” Eliza extended her hand for Maggie to shake.

“Likewise, Doctor Danvers,” Maggie smiled, shaking her hand.

“How many times do I have to tell you? Call me Eliza, please.”

“Sorry, Eliza.”

Alex watched the whole interaction with bated breath. Sure, it wasn’t like they hadn’t talked before but this was different. She started rubbing soothing circles with her thumb across Maggie’s back, seeing how nervous she was. She watched Eliza closely, for any sign that she didn’t like Maggie, but Eliza was smiling, and it seemed genuine, and Alex was taken aback. She watched as Maggie’s shoulders relaxed a bit when Eliza smiled at her warmly, asking her about her flight.

She watched as the two of them talked, not saying anything herself, just observing. Noticing how Maggie got more and more relaxed the longer they talked, and how Eliza seemed to really like her, feeling a wave of relief wash over her. Although there still was a small part of herself, telling her not to get her hopes up just yet, even though Maggie was laughing now at something just Eliza said, both of them seeming to bond rather quickly over whatever they were talking about.

“Alex?” her mom pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Be a dear and unpack the bags?”

“Uh, sure?” Alex shrugged, walking over to the kitchen island where her mom left the groceries.

“Come on, Maggie, I’ll show you the pictures.”

Alex froze on her way to the fridge, nearly dropping a yogurt. “What pictures?”

“Third grade science fair,” Maggie replied grinning, as she winked at Alex over her shoulder, following Eliza into the living room.

“Mom, no!”

~ ~ ~

After dinner Maggie and Alex volunteered to do the dishes, to get some time alone, while the others went to the living room to pick some board game.

The dinner went pretty well. Well, Kara and Lena ate dinner with them as well so  _ of course _ the dinner went well. But Eliza seemed to enjoy Maggie’s company while she embarrassed Alex with a mix of her baby and teenage pictures. And as embarrassing as that was, Alex was feeling genuinely happy, seeing her mom and her girlfriend, gushing over how ‘adorable’ she was, even in her punk rock phase.

“Thanks for helping me with the dishes,” Alex smiled, wiping her hands on a towel, dropping a kiss to Maggie’s lips as she handed it to her.

“Anytime, Danvers,” Maggie grinned, placing the towel. “Plus, it doesn’t really hurt to get a few good points from your mom.”

Alex crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the counter she frowned. “Did she say something to you while you guys were alone?”

“No,” Maggie shook her head as she stepped in front of Alex, placing her hands on her hips. “Haven’t even gotten  _ the talk _ yet so…”

“Is that good?”

“Wouldn’t know, never really met anyone’s parents.”

“Wait, really?” Alex asked. She knew Maggie had dated a plenty of girls before her so she assumed she’d done this whole meeting the parent thing.

“Yeah,” Maggie nodded, smiling softly at her. “You’re pretty special to me, Alex.”

She could feel the few tears that welled up in her eyes, feeling the meaning behind Maggie’s words. Knowing what she meant from the way Maggie said it, the way she was looking at her. Knowing Maggie felt the same way she did, but wasn’t ready to say those words out loud just yet either. “You’re pretty special to me too, Maggie.”

Alex watched as Maggie smiled her dimpled smile, her eyes shining with happiness, as she leaned down to kiss her, stopping mere inches from her lips as Kara burst in through the kitchen door.

“Oh my gosh, Alex, help!”

Alex groaned as she pulled back from Maggie’s lips reluctantly. “What’s wrong Kara?”

“Okay so mom just asked me to go get a bottle of wine, but there’s already one in the living room! And it hasn’t even been touched yet!”

“So?”

“Mom’s totally shovel talking Lena,” she whisper-yelled.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Alex felt her stomach sink. Why would Eliza shovel talk Lena but not Maggie? Maybe she liked Lena better. Or maybe she didn’t care about Alex enough to give the talk to her girlfriend. Thinking about it, the latter seemed more plausible to Alex, considering she really seemed to enjoy Maggie’s company.

“Calm down, little Danvers,” Maggie smiled as she leaned into Alex’s side.

“How can I stay calm when my mother’s interrogating my girlfriend in the other room?”

“I’m pretty sure she’ll be okay.”

“She was nice to you when she gave you the talk right?”

Alex felt Maggie tense up at the question, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly. “She hasn’t  _ talked  _ to me yet.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

Alex could see the panicked look in her little sister’s eyes as she looked at her. She was pretty sure she had the same look in her eyes, her heart beating like crazy.

“Well, I’m gonna get that wine so I can go save Lena,” Kara pointed at the door as she backed out of the room. Alex was so grateful Kara didn’t continue the conversation, clearly reading the pleading look Alex sent her when she felt Maggie tense up even more.

“I’m fucking this up, aren’t I?” Maggie asked, swallowing thickly when Kara left the room.

“Hey, no,” Alex stepped in front of her, taking Maggie’s hands into hers. “You’re doing amazing. My mom’s just, well, my mom… She’s always been more protective of Kara, maybe it’s cause she’s adopted, I don’t know. But you’re doing amazing, trust me.”

“I don’t wanna fuck this up, Alex,” Maggie looked down, playing with Alex’s fingers. “Don’t really have the best history of impressing parents of the girls I like... And I like you a lot, and I’m  _ terrified _ your mom will think I’m not good enough for you.”

“Look at me,” Alex said softly, waiting for Maggie to look up at her. “I don’t care if my mom approves of this,” she said pointing her finger between the two of them, “besides she’s more likely to think I’m not good enough for you.”

Maggie chuckled, shaking her head, “That’s bullshit.”

“Nope, she showed you the most embarrassing of my childhood pictures after she knew you for like five minutes. Trust me, she likes you.”

“God, I hope so,” Maggie sighed as she rested her head against Maggie’s chest.

“Wait, didn’t you say you’ve never met parents of any of the girls you were dating?”

“Yeah,” Maggie nodded against her chest, her voice small.

“Then what did you mean when you said you don’t have the best history of impressing parents?”

Alex felt the shuddering breath Maggie took in before she pulled away and looked up at her with sad eyes. “I promise I’ll tell you everything, but not now, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now let’s go, Danvers,” Maggie grinned, pulling Alex out of the kitchen. “It’s time for me to kick your ass at monopoly.”

~ ~ ~

After the game of monopoly- Lena kicking all of their asses, leaving Maggie and Kara grumbling about how it’s unfair since she studies economy- they agreed that it had been a long day and getting some rest would be nice.

Alex brushed her teeth, listening to Kara ramble about how Eliza wasn’t actually that bad to Lena while talking to her, only warning her not to break Kara’s heart because not even being a Luthor could help her then.

Once she brushed her teeth she went back to her room where Maggie was waiting for her, sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard, knees pulled to her chest.

“I was fourteen.”

“What?” Alex frowned in confusion as she looked over at Maggie, noticing the blank look on her face.

“When I was outed. I was fourteen.”

Alex took a shuddering breath, walking over to the bed, she sat down at the edge, looking at Maggie, waiting for her to continue.

“Her name was Eliza,” Maggie chuckles bitterly. “She was, god she was amazing. We always hung out together, usually in her basement. She’d steal her mom’s cigarettes and we’d smoke them when her parents weren’t home. It felt, rebellious, ya know, even though we coughed like crazy… We used to watch a lot of horror movies, neither of us would admit that we were scared shitless. And after a while I actually started looking forward to watch those movies with her, even though it meant I probably wouldn’t sleep at night, because it meant that I got to hold her.”

Alex moved closer to her when she noticed the tears shining in Maggie’s eyes, placing a reassuring hand next to her, but not touching her, just barely brushing her with her pinky.

“And then it hit me, I liked her. I was fucking falling for a girl. And it scared me shitless cause Blue Springs, Nebraska had never seen a gay person before me. But I somehow got the guts to tell her… Well, I put a card into her locker and asked her to the stupid dance, told her I loved her.”

“Mags,” Alex tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, feeling a few tears roll down her cheeks as she watched how Maggie tried not to cry.

“When I came home that day,” Maggie paused, taking a deep breath, “well, it wasn’t pretty. Eliza showed the card to her parents, and they called my parents, and my parents kicked me out.”

Alex didn’t know what to say, staring at her girlfriend, tears rolling down her face.

“My aunt took me in and we moved to National City,” Maggie said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “She can’t wait to meet you by the way.”

“Maggie I had no idea, I-“

“I’ve never told anyone before.”

Alex moved shuffled closer to her, pulling her into her arms. “Thank you. For trusting me.”

Maggie sniffled, gripping Alex’s shirt with her hands. “I’ve told you, you’re pretty damn special to me, Al.”

“You’re pretty damn special to me too, Mags.”

They didn’t talk any more that night. Alex just held Maggie as she fell asleep, thinking about how everything made sense now, how much she hated Maggie’s parents, and how she’d do anything to make sure no one would ever hurt Maggie again. 

~ ~ ~

Maggie woke up first. Letting Alex sleep, she slowly disentangled herself from Alex’s arms. After last night’s events she needed to clear her head, deciding to go for a run. She was happy she told Alex, it felt nice to finally tell someone, to cry her heart out. And knowing Alex was there for her felt even better, holding her when she sobbed into her chest.

She quickly changed into some shorts and a shirt, making sure to not make any noise as she opened and closed the door. She headed to the kitchen to drink a glass of water before heading out, only to find Eliza sitting at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee as she read something.

Maggie smiled when she noticed that crinkle on Eliza’s forehead, the same crinkle Alex got whenever she was concentrating too hard on something.

“Good morning,” she greeted as she walked over to the cupboard to get a glass.

“You’re up early,” Eliza smiled at her, taking her glasses off.

Maggie poured herself a glass of water, drinking it all in one go. “Yeah I thought I’d go for a run.”

“Is Alex still sleeping?”

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna wake her.”

Eliza nodded, looking as if she was thinking something through, her forehead crinkling again. “Maggie can I talk to you for a second?”

Maggie felt her blood run cold but nodded, putting the glass into the dishwasher. She leaned against the kitchen island, opposite of Eliza, putting some distance between the two of them.

“I think you know I talked to Lena about what her, well, intentions are with Kara,” Eliza started, continuing after Maggie nodded. “But I didn’t talk to you about Alex.”

“Why?” Maggie heard herself asking before her brain could even process it. She clenched her jaw tightly, cursing internally.

“You see, Kara’s never been good at picking her partners. The last guy she dated, Mike, was just awful, he abused her, emotionally. It took her  _ so  _ long to get herself together after she broke up with him. I wanted to make sure that it wouldn’t happen again. You know mothers, we’d do anything to keep their children safe.”

She didn’t. But she nodded anyways, unable to say anything.

“Alex’s always been so tough. Ever since Jeremiah passed away she’s been keeping this family together, taking care of Kara and me, but she was never really herself again. There was always _something_ missing… But now when she looks at you, when she’s around you, she seems like her old self again, like she’s happy again…  I haven’t seen my daughter _this_ _happy_ in years,” Maggie looked up at Eliza, seeing the unshed tears in her eyes.

“The only thing I want in life is to make her happy.”

“Good,” Eliza smiled lightly as she wiped her eyes. “Because I really like you, Maggie, and you don’t want to find out what I’m capable of if you hurt my little girl.”

Maggie nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She knew that if anything happened her aunt would have her back just like Eliza’s got Alex’s, but she still couldn’t help herself but wonder if it would feel any different if it were her mom.

“Thank you, Maggie,” Eliza pulled her out of her thoughts.

Maggie frowned in confusion, tilting her head to the side.

“For making my Alex happy again.”

She smiled softly, clearing her throat, not wanting to break down in front of Eliza. “She does the same for me,” Maggie shrugged.

Eliza nodded, “I can see the way you look at her.”

“So, should I consider this a shovel talk?” she asked, knowing she wouldn’t be able to keep herself from crying any longer if they kept up the conversation.

Eliza laughed, shaking her head. “I guess so.”

“Did I pass?” she was pretty sure she knew the answer to her question but she needed to hear it from Eliza.

She looked at Maggie with a serious face for a long moment- in which Maggie felt like she’d throw up- before she nodded with a smile on her face. “Of course.”

Maggie couldn’t keep the huge smile off of her face, ducking her head as she breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Eliza.”

She barely noticed Eliza getting off of the barstool she was sitting on, and walking over to her, before she was engulfed in her arms. “Take good care of her.”

“Always,” she promised, her voice a little weaker than she’d like.

“There’s a really nice jogging trail that leads down to the beach,” Eliza said as she walked back over to the barstool, taking a seat.

“Okay, I’m gonna go so I’m back before she wakes up,” Maggie smiled, walking out of the door and into the fresh morning air.

~ ~ ~

“Mags?” Alex mumbled when she heard the sound of Maggie unzipping her duffle.

She heard Maggie curse before she heard soft footsteps, feeling the mattress dip when she sat down, brushing Alex’s hair out of her face. “I didn’t want to wake you, babe. I’m sorry.”

“Cuddle me,” Alex opened her arms without opening her eyes, waiting for Maggie to lay down.

Maggie chuckled softly and then Alex felt her thumb brushing over her cheek. “I’m all gross and sweaty, just came back from a run.”

“Don’t really care.”

“I’m gonna shower real quick and I’ll be right back, Danvers.”

Alex grumbled, pulling the covers tighter around herself. “Hurry.”

She felt Maggie press a gentle kiss to her cheek before she got up of the bed, heading to the bathroom.

She didn’t even know how, but apparently she fell asleep after Maggie left. Blinking her eyes open sleepily she smiled when she felt Maggie spooning her.

“Morning,” she breathed as she took Maggie’s arm that was thrown over her middle, hugging it tightly to her chest.

“Good morning,” Alex shivered lightly when Maggie’s breath ghosted over her neck, just before she placed a tender kiss just below her ear.

“How long was I out?”

“About half an hour.”

Alex turned around in Maggie’s arms, smiling softly at her girlfriend. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Maggie grinned, her dimples showing and Alex couldn’t help herself but trace them with her fingertips.

“How was your run?”

“Pretty good,” Maggie answered, playing with Alex’s hair. “Your mom told me to run to the beach, and I have to admit it was pretty gorgeous.”

Alex’s fingers stopped on Maggie’s cheek as she frowned. “My mom?”

“Yep.”

“She was awake when you went for your run?”

“That she was,” Maggie nodded as she leaned in to kiss Alex.

“Wait,” Alex put a hand on her chest to stop her, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

Alex bit her lip, studying Maggie’s face for a moment. She had a huge smile on, her triple dimple on full display, eyes twinkling happily. “The way you did after our first kiss.”

“What?” Maggie huffed out a laugh.

“You look, I don’t know…  Like you’re radiating happiness.”

“Well,” Maggie started, pulling Alex closer, tangling their legs together, “it’s the morning of New Year’s Eve and I’m lying in bed, holding my girl, just enjoying the moment… Really no reason why I shouldn’t be happy, Danvers.”

“Maggie.”

“Alex.”

“That’s not it.”

Maggie chuckled, biting her lip. “Well, I may or may not have gotten a seal of approval from one Eliza Danvers…”

“What?” Alex breathed out, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Yeah, seems like your mom really likes me.”

“Good, cause I really like you too,” Alex smiled, leaning in to kiss Maggie.

Maggie smiled at her softly when they pulled back, eyes shining with happiness. “I really like you too, Al.”

Alex buried her face in the crook of Maggie’s neck, hugging her as tightly as she could, needing to hold her as close as possible.

“You smell really nice,” she mumbled into her neck, taking a deep breath.

“Well I did just take a shower…” Maggie chuckled as Alex started to kiss her neck, pushing her onto her back and climbing on top of her. Maggie tangled her fingers in Alex’s hair, failing to bite back a moan when Alex gently bit at that sensitive spot behind her ear.

Alex pulled back right after the sound left Maggie’s mouth, looking down at her with wide, terrified eyes.

“My mom could’ve heard you!”

“She’s downstairs, Danvers, relax,” Maggie grinned as she leaned up to kiss her girlfriend, only to be stopped by Alex’s hand on her chest.

“You could have your approval revoked.”

“If Lena didn’t get hers revoked, after the things I heard when I got out of the shower, I think I’m good.”

Alex faked a gagging noise, glaring at Maggie, “Did not need to hear that. She’s my little sister!”

“Judging by the noises Lena was making, she’s not so little any-“

Alex grabbed a pillow, putting it over Maggie’s face before she could finish the sentence. “I’m gonna take this pillow off of your face now, and so help you god if you make one more comment about my kid sister’s sex life.”

She heard as Maggie mumbled okay against the pillow, nodding her head. “All I’m saying,” Maggie started with a shit-eating grin once the pillow was off of her face, ignoring the look Alex was giving her, “is that I wouldn’t be surprised if they needed to make a quick trip to IKEA to get a new bed.”

Alex hit her with the pillow she was still holding. “You’re such a dickhead.”

“Yeah, but I’m your dickhead,” Maggie grinned up at her, taking the pillow Alex was still holding from her hands, throwing it to the side.

Alex couldn’t keep the soft smile off of her face, her heart fluttering in her chest. She leaned down when she felt Maggie tugging on her hips, placing a soft kiss to her lips, before she leaned down to her ear. “And yet, you’re still not getting any,” she whispered teasingly, chuckling at Maggie’s whimper, as she sat up straight again.

“You’re the worst, Danvers.”

“Can’t be that bad when you’re spending New Year’s with me.”

“Oh, did you think I was here cause of you?” Maggie cocked an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side.

“Let me guess,” Alex laughed, “you’re only here cause of Kara.”

“I was gonna say your mom, actually…”

Laughing, Alex swatted at Maggie’s arm, getting off of the bed. She grabbed Maggie’s hand, pulling her up as well. “Come on, Sawyer, I’m really hungry, and since we’ve established that I’m not eating you, I was thinking maybe pancakes?”

“You’d trade me for pancakes?” Maggie faked a gasp, clutching at the shirt over her heart. “You wound me, Danvers.” 

~ ~ ~

The whole town was gathered on the beach, waiting for the clock to strike midnight and the fireworks to begin.

Alex and Maggie were sitting on the sand, Maggie between Alex’s legs, leaning against her, Alex’s arms wrapped around her. They were a bit further from the big crowd of people, watching Eliza and Kara chatting with their neighbors, Kara introducing Lena proudly to everyone.

“You sure you don’t wanna go socialize a bit, Danvers?” Maggie asked, tilting her head to the side to look at Alex.

“Nope, all I want is to sit here with you, hold you and enjoy how great you look in my hoodie.”

“It’s a bit too long for me,” Maggie chuckled.

“Makes you that much more adorable,” Alex tightened her hold around Maggie’s waist when she heard her grumbling about how she was  _ anything but adorable, Danvers _ .

The last time Alex went to the beach to watch the fireworks was when her dad was still alive. They would always sit right here, where the two of them were sitting now, Alex leaning against her dad as they both watched the colors exploding in the night sky.

And they would always stay after the fireworks were over, after everyone had left, just so they could watch the stars. Her dad would teach her names of the stars and constellations.

On the last New Year’s that Alex spent with her dad they sat at the beach till the sun came up. She remembered how he teased her about her obvious crush on Vicky, how he told her she should do something about it, not just sit by and watch till someone else asks her out first.

After he died, she spent a lot of nights just sitting on the rooftop, watching the stars on her own, wishing he were there with her.

But this was the first time she was on their spot after all those years.

“Really?” Maggie’s voice pulled her out of her musings.

“Huh?”

“Is this really the first time you’re here since he passed away?” she asked, tilting her head to the side to look at her.

“Did I just say that out loud?”

“Yeah, you did.”

“Oh,” Alex cleared her throat to get rid of the lump. “Yeah, yeah it is.”

Maggie turned around in her arms so she was leaning against Alex with her shoulder, kissing the underside of her jaw gently. “Alex, I-“

“You don’t have to say anything,” Alex forced a weak smile on her face. “Just… hold me?”

Maggie nodded wordlessly, leaning her head against Alex’s shoulder as she looped her arm around her waist. Alex rested her cheek on top of Maggie’s head. Looking at the crowd of people, she noticed Eliza, smiling as she watched the two of them.

Alex returned her mom’s smile, her heart feeling full, buzzing with happiness as she held her girl in her arms, knowing she finally did something right in her mom’s eyes, she was happy.

They sat there silently, just holding one another until they heard the crowd of people start the ten second countdown. Maggie lifted her head from Alex’s shoulder, smiling at her softly as she brought one of her hands to the back of Alex’s neck, leaning in to kiss her.

They could both hear the crowd going wild, everyone yelling _ Happy New Year _ . They could even hear the fireworks go off, but neither of them could be bothered to pull away from the kiss, their lips moving together softly, the kiss conveying exactly what they both felt but were not ready to say out loud just yet.

Pulling back, they rested their foreheads against one another, both of them grinning like crazy.

“Happy New Year, Al.”

“Happy New Year, Mags.”

They didn’t know who pulled who into the next kiss, but they both knew that it was going to be a great new year. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how much will y'all hate me if i tell you i actually wrote the smutty part but then deleted it??:D
> 
> kudos are awesome and y'all know i LIVE for your comments (for real tho, whenever i don't feel motivated enough i just read through them:D) 
> 
> i'm sorry i don't reply to your comments btw... i'm just a tad too awkward to do that.. :D but come talk to me on my tumblr, peggycarterislife, and i swear i'll reply to you there:D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhh...??? :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this was my friend annie's idea.. i just put it into words :D so shout out to @simply-a-work-of-art (tumblr)

Maggie’s lips were moving.

Her lips were moving and Alex knew she should’ve been paying attention to what her girlfriend was saying, but her brain just wasn’t working.

Because they were sitting on a bench in the park, their fingers laced together, and the sun was hitting Maggie’s face just perfectly, making her dimples seem even deeper somehow, her smile even more radiant. Her other hand was flying all around as she kept talking enthusiastically. And even though her brain wasn’t working and she wasn’t really listening, she knew Maggie was talking about something that she was really passionate about because her eyes just had  _ that glint _ , that little sparkle of light in them, that Alex knew wasn’t the sun, it was as if Maggie’s happiness, her zeal, was literally shining in her eyes.

And Alex wasn’t listening because she was just… gone.

She’d known she was in love with Maggie for a fairly long time now, well at least since New Year’s. And it’d been three weeks.

Three weeks of choking on those three simple words.

Because ‘ _ You’re pretty damn special to me.’  _ didn’t cover what she felt for her anymore.

And she’d gotten good at keeping herself from just blurting it out. Well, if you count busying her mouth with… other things as being good at keeping herself from saying what she’d been dying to say, then she’d gotten  _ really _ good at it.

But this was the first time that her brain actually stopped working.

She’d had trouble speaking, or taking her eyes off of her girl, or picking her jaw up from the floor and even breathing a few times.

But never…  _ this. _

This mind numbing realization of how amazing, and smart, and kind, and tough, and gorgeous Maggie was. The realization of how incredibly lucky she felt to have her in her life, how happy Maggie made her. And when all of that mixed with the warmth that exploded in her chest whenever Maggie smiled even wider, squeezed her hand tighter or bumped into her shoulder…

She knew she was a goner.

And honestly, she was so thankful for the fact that her brain wasn’t working, because if it was she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself this time.

Not when Maggie had that smile on her face, the glint in her eyes as she kept talking. Not when she had her fingers laced with Alex’s, her thumb stroking absent minded circles into Alex’s hand. And most certainly not when she looked at Alex and her eyes just seemed to soften somehow, making Alex almost sure that what she felt wasn’t just one sided.

“Alex,” she was pulled out of her musings by Maggie’s hand waving in front of her eyes.

“Yes?”

Maggie squinted her eyes, tilting her head slightly. “You didn’t listen to anything I just said, did you?”

Alex opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to protest, to tell Maggie that  _ of course  _ she was listening, not wanting to make Maggie feel like one of  _ those  _ people. The people who made her feel like she didn’t matter, like anything she said wasn’t important. Because all she wanted to do in life was to protect her from people like that, to make sure no one ever made her feel like she was something less.

But she also couldn’t lie to her so she just shook her head no, an apologetic grin on her face. “I’m sorry, Maggie.”

“It’s, uh, don’t worry about, Al,” she said, squeezing Alex’s hand tighter. “Something bothering you?”

“What?” Alex frowned.

“Well you were completely zoned out and, babe, the crinkle,” she tapped her finger between Alex’s eyes, a soft smile on her face and Alex was just  _ so wildly in love _ .

Alex ducked her head, chuckling. She took a deep breath before she looked back up at Maggie. “I just… got distracted.”

“Distracted?”                                                                                                                                                                           

“Yep.”

“By what?”

“Your face.”

“What?”

“You’re just,” she sighed, ducking her head shyly as a soft smile made its way on her lips, “so beautiful.”

Maggie scoffed, shaking her head but Alex could see the light blush that crept up her cheeks when she looked up at her. “That’s gay, Danvers.”

“You’re gay.”

Maggie huffed out a laugh, shaking her head. Alex leaned in, giving Maggie a soft, lingering kiss. She let go of her hand, looping her arm around Maggie’s shoulders, pulling her closer.

After that  Alex asked her to repeat what what Maggie talked about while she was completely zoned out, Alex making sure to listen to every single detail. Falling even deeper as she listened to Maggie’s excited voice, holding her close as Maggie played with their tangled fingers.

After half an hour of talking, and being that obnoxiously cute couple on the bench, Maggie stood up, pulling Alex with her. “I really want some ice cream, Danvers,” she said when she noticed Alex’s confused frown.

So they walked, hand in hand, their arms swinging between them, to the ice cream stand. Alex looked at her girlfriend every few steps, her heart feeling so full she thought it might actually burst out of her chest at the sight of Maggie’s happy dimpled smile.

They were just a couple feet away from the stand, Alex giggling as Maggie called her a nerd, shoving her shoulder affectionately, when Alex felt like there would be no better time to tell Maggie than now. Why wait when her heart felt like exploding every time Maggie so much as smiled?

She took a deep breath, steeling her nerves, getting ready to stop and face Maggie, when suddenly she realized Maggie didn’t grab her hand after she had shoved her and she wasn’t walking beside her anymore.

Alex spun around quickly, finding Maggie standing frozen, a blank expression on her face as her jaw clenched and unclenched, her knuckles white from how hard she was digging into her palms.

“Babe?” she frowned, walking the few steps back and standing in front of her girlfriend, but not touching her. “Maggie? Are you okay?”

Maggie didn’t say anything, just stood there, blinking her eyes, not looking at Alex. It was almost as if she was looking over her shoulder, at someone behind her. Alex turned around, looking over the small crowd of people that was around the ice cream stand. And then she noticed her.

Well, she wouldn’t have known it was her if she hadn’t yelled ‘ _ Maggie Sawyer is that you?’  _ But once she did, Alex knew exactly who it was.

Maggie had been more open ever since New Year’s, sometimes she still had a hard time opening up but Alex could see how hard she was trying. She talked about her life before National City, before her aunt, a lot more. And even though she never showed Alex any pictures- and Alex was almost sure it was because she didn’t have any, not because she didn’t want to show her- she was  _ sure  _ it was her.

Eliza fucking Wilkie was strutting over to them as if the last time she saw Maggie wasn’t just hours before she outed her to the whole damn town almost seven years ago, ruining Maggie’s life. She looked just how Alex pictured her, long blonde hair falling over her shoulders, a perfectly fake smile plastered on her face, skirt falling below her knees and a golden cross resting on top of her white blouse so everyone could see. The perfect Christian girl.

Alex stepped beside Maggie, straightening her back and clenching her fists, she took a deep breath to calm herself so she wouldn’t punch Eliza square in the face. Because as much as she wanted to, she knew Maggie wouldn’t appreciate it.

“It is you!” she squealed when she stopped in front of Maggie, pulling her into a hug, which made Alex’s blood boil and Maggie’s body go even more stiff. “It’s been so long! What are you doing in National City?”

“School,” Alex turned to look at Maggie when she heard how hollow her voice sounded. Maggie cleared her throat, taking a deep breath. “I, uh, I study at the NCU. What… what are you doing here?”

“Oh, Liam and I moved here cause he got a really good job, like a month after we got married,” she put her left hand up, showing her finger off with an excited squeal. “You remember Liam right?”

Alex could see Maggie’s face go pale and her stomach dropped because it had to be  _ that  _ Liam.

Liam Murphy, the dick who put Maggie through hell before her aunt decided they should move. The guy who supposedly couldn’t go a day without reminding Maggie what an abomination she was, how disgusting she was and how he would beat the living crap out of her if she so much as looked at any girl at the school. And he did, beat the living crap out of her a couple times.

And Alex knew Maggie could handle herself and she didn’t want to interfere but the panicked look on Maggie’s face and the way she had wrapped her arms around herself, as if she was trying to shield herself from Eliza, broke Alex’s heart.

She couldn’t just stand there and watch as Maggie was forced to relive all the bad memories. She wasn’t alone, not anymore. “Hey, I’m Alex,” she said, plastering the biggest, brightest, fakest smile on her face as she shook Eliza’s hand, her grip maybe a bit too tight- but she gave herself a mental pat on the back when she saw Eliza wince.

“Anyways, what are you studying Maggie?” Eliza turned her attention back to Maggie.

“Criminology and sociology,” Maggie replied, sounding a bit more like herself, as if Alex making her presence known gave her that little bit of confidence she needed to talk.

“Criminology?”

“Yeah, I wanna be a cop.”

Glancing over at her girl when she heard the confidence in her voice, Alex saw a faint smile on her lips, her back straighter, and her heart warmed at the sight. She loved how passionate Maggie was about becoming a police officer.

“Oh,” Eliza breathed, Alex’s eyes flitting back to her as she clenched her fists. Readying herself for whatever the woman was about to say she took a small step forward, trying to put some distance between Eliza and her girlfriend. “So you chose a man’s job after all…”

Alex wondered briefly, about how much the woman loved God because she was sure as hell going to meet him by the end of this conversation.

She felt Maggie’s fingers brush against her fist and she opened it up, letting Maggie grab her hand. “I, uh-“

“Here you go,” Maggie was cut off by a woman who would look pretty much like Eliza if it wasn’t for the brown hair and dark eyes. And also if she wasn’t pregnant.

“Thanks, babe,” Eliza smiled as she took the ice cream the other woman was handing her. “Maggie this is my best friend, Nataly.”

Maggie didn’t let go of Alex’s hand to shake Nataly’s, her grip only tightening. “Nataly,” she nodded her head, not even bothering to smile.

“So, Maggie, are you seeing anyone?” Eliza asked.

Maggie nodded her head silently, as she squeezed Alex’s hand even tighter.

“And doesn’t he mind your career choices?”

Alex could feel how Maggie started shaking and she wondered if the woman had prayed enough Hail Maries in her life to get to meet her when Alex is done with her.

Knowing Maggie wouldn’t be able to reply, Alex put on her fakest, I-totally-wanna-kill-you-and-I’m-not-gonna-do-it-while-you’re-asleep-because-I-wanna-see-the-fear-in-your-eyes smile. “Why would I mind?”

Both, Eliza’s and Nataly’s faces scrunched up in disgust. “I see you haven’t changed much…”

Alex clenched her jaw as she stepped more in front of Maggie, shielding her body almost completely. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that someone would be so hateful to her Maggie. Kind, selfless, smart, funny Maggie.

But her look must’ve been enough because the other woman, Nataly, was suddenly reminding Eliza that they had to go because the boys would be done painting the baby’s room soon and they sure would be hungry. So they both bid their goodbyes, the same fake smiles plastered on their faces.

Alex watched them leave, turning her attention to Maggie when they disappeared from the sight. “Mags-“

“Take me back to the dorms?” she asked, her voice small as she clutched on Alex’s hand for dear life, shaking, her eyes not meeting Alex’s.

“Of course,” she nodded, her heart breaking at the sight.

~ ~ ~

After they got back, Alex walked Maggie to her room. She knew Maggie maybe wouldn’t want to talk about what happened right away, but she didn’t expect her to look at her and ask her to leave, to tell her that she needed to be alone. 

And as much as it hurt her to leave Maggie alone when she looked like she was being ripped apart from the inside, barely holding herself together, she just nodded. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her in her arms and never let go but instead she just squeezed her hand slightly before walking away. 

She could feel Maggie’s eyes on her back as she walked down the hallway and for a second she thought that her girlfriend might actually change her mind but then she rounded the corner and heard Maggie’s door shut. 

She didn’t knock as she entered her and Lena’s room, thanking whatever deity there was that her roommate and her sister were just watching a movie. She mumbled a ‘ _ hi _ ’ before flopping face first into her bed, burying her face in her pillow as she hugged it tightly. 

Alex could hear that Lena and Kara had paused whatever movie they were watching, she could almost hear the look she knew the two exchanged, before she heard soft footsteps and her mattress dipped a little as Kara sat down next to her. 

“Alex?” came Kara’s tentative voice as she placed a hand on her sister’s back. 

“Yeah?” Alex said, not even bothering to lift her head up from the pillow.

“What’s wrong?” 

Alex sighed, turning her head so she could look at her sister, contemplating what to tell her. Kara didn’t know about Maggie’s past, no one really did, except for Maggie’s aunt and Alex, so she couldn’t tell her. Even though she knew talking to her little sister always helped, she couldn’t. 

“It’s nothing, Kara,” she said, trying to put a reassuring smile on her face but- judging by Kara’s expression- failing. 

“Weren’t you supposed to be out with Maggie?” 

_ Maggie. _

Her jaw clenched at the mention of her girlfriend as she tried not to think about how she was probably crying her heart out in her room, all alone. 

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, hearing the sadness in her own voice. 

Kara’s eyes went wide, the hand that was tracing soothing circles across Alex’s back freezing. “Wait, did you guys… uh, I mean, you didn’t…” 

“Did you guys break up?” Lena asked when she heard her girlfriend struggling with getting the words out. 

“Oh god no,” Alex shook her head, sitting up. 

“Then what is it?” Kara asked softly. 

“She just wanted to be alone for a bit…” 

Kara seemed to consider her sister’s reply for a bit but decided to let it go, nodding her head. “Wanna watch a movie with us?” 

Alex glanced at Lena’s bed, where her sister’s girlfriend was already sitting with her back against the wall, a pillow behind her back and two other ready for the sisters, holding the blanket up so they could join her. 

“Come on,” Lena smiled warmly and Alex made a mental note to tell her- later, when Kara would go back to her own room- how happy she was that Lena was dating her sister. 

Kara flopped on the bed next to her girlfriend, Alex from her other side. She took both of their hands into hers and cuddled into Lena’s shoulder, pulling Alex closer to her so she would lean against her. 

She tried to focus on the romcom of the day that Kara had chosen, but found her mind drifting to Maggie, hoping Lucy was back in the room and that she wasn’t alone, telling herself that she would see her tomorrow at lunch and make sure that she was okay.

~ ~ ~ 

Maggie didn’t come to lunch. 

There weren’t many days in the week when they could actually eat lunch together but today was one of those very few days and Maggie didn’t show up. She had texted her that she wasn’t feeling well and that she would skip lunch and Alex was seriously worried. 

She was worried and she told her but Maggie insisted that she was okay and promised her that she would come to Alex’s room tonight, after gym, ignoring Alex’s text about how she shouldn’t go if she wasn’t feeling well. 

And now it was almost 9pm and she was starting to get nervous because Maggie was always punctual and she always got back from the gym around 8pm, but she wasn’t here and she wasn’t answering Alex’s texts and she wasn’t picking up her phone and if it wasn’t for Lena keeping her company Alex was sure she would go crazy. 

It was just a couple of minutes past nine when there was a knock on the door and Alex scrambled off of the bed so fast she nearly knocked Lena’s laptop off of her knees. She pulled the door open, expecting to find her girlfriend but instead she found Lucy with a backpack slung over her shoulder. 

“Luce?” she frowned as she stepped aside to let her best friend walk in. 

Lucy walked over to Alex’s bed, throwing her backpack on the ground before she sat down, looking at Alex as she patted the spot beside her. Alex shut the door with a frown and sat down next to her friend. 

“It’s bad,” Lucy said before Alex could say anything and she felt like her heart stopped in her chest for a moment. 

“Bad?”

“I had to help her drag her stupid ass back to the room cause I found her in the bathroom at the gym, throwing up that lunch she didn’t have.”

Alex didn’t know what to say, she just stared at Lucy, trying to process what she’d told her. 

“Now, I’m gonna sleep here tonight and you go there. She might not act like it but she really needs you.” 

Alex just nodded, taking a shaky breath.

“Thanks, Lucy,” she said before standing up and heading out of the room on shaky legs.

The way to Maggie’s room seemed to take forever. She tried to get her brain to start working but the only thing she could think about was Maggie and how she had apparently hurt herself. 

She knocked at the door softly before letting herself in. The sight that greeted her on the other side of the door broke her heart. Maggie was curled up on the bed, there were dark circles under her puffy eyes and dried out tear tracks on her cheeks. 

Alex shut the door behind her as quietly as she could so she wouldn’t wake her, but Maggie stirred and opened her eyes as the door clicked behind Alex. 

“Alex, no,” she said, her voice small and broken and raspy from all the crying. 

Alex could see Maggie’s jaw clenched as she walked closer so she decided to sit on Lucy’s bed. Maggie sat up and Alex noticed how pale she was, how her eyes were bloodshot, and struggled not to get up and start fussing around her. 

“Why are you here?” Maggie asked as she wrapped herself up in her blanket. 

“Lucy told me how she found you.”

“Yeah, I guess I pushed myself a bit harder than I should have…”

Alex took a deep breath. “Did you eat anything?”

“Danvers I told you I wasn’t feeling well-”

“But you did go to the gym.”

“I, uh, I needed to blow off some steam,” Maggie shrugged, avoiding Alex’s eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

“But it is, Maggie,” she said softly. “You hurt yourself.” 

“It’s whatever-”

“No, Maggie. Stop it,” Alex said, her voice firmer, making Maggie look at her. 

“Stop what?”

“You know what I mean, stop building your walls back up, please. Talk to me.”

Alex could see Maggie’s bottom lip tremble, her jaw clench. “I don’t want you to see me like this, Alex.” 

Alex felt her heart break at the slight quiver in Maggie’s voice. She stood up and walked over to Maggie’s bed, needing to be closer to her, but left some space between the two of them. 

“Talk to me,” she repeated. “Please.”

Maggie sucked in a shuddering breath before she stood up, letting the blanket fall on the ground. For a moment Alex thought that she was going to leave but then Maggie cleared her throat, standing right in front of Alex.

“I thought that I’d never see her again. I thought that I’d never see any of them ever again, but now she’s here, living in this god damn city… And I know, I know that the chances of meeting her are really fucking small but I thought that I was finally free from all of that.”

Alex didn’t say anything. She just watched as Maggie stared wring her hands together and pacing, her voice getting harder with every sentence she spoke. She wiped the few tears that had rolled down her cheeks and just kept listening.

“I took me  _ so long _ to get my shit together after… all of it.  _ So fucking long.  _ And it took me even longer to finally be happy again,” she said, glancing at Alex with a little sad smile on her lips. “I thought that my old life was finally,  _ finally _ , gone, and that I was okay and could start again.”

There were tears streaming down her cheeks now and she wiped at them with the back of her hand as she took another shuddering breath. 

“And I  _ hate  _ how fucking pathetic I am. How fucking  _ weak _ I am.”

Alex opened her mouth to protest but Maggie put up a hand so she shut her mouth and just listened. 

“No, Alex, I am. Because all it took for me to crumble was to see her stupid face. I couldn’t even sleep last night. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about…  _ all of it. _ ” 

“Maggie,” Alex breathed as she stood up. 

“No, Alex, don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“That,” Maggie said, gesturing with her hand, as she tried to keep herself from sobbing. “Because I’m weak and I’m broken and I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of it. I don’t deserve  _ you,  _ Alex, I-”

“Maggie, no,” Alex cut her off. “Stop it, please. I know you’re hurting right now, and I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now but you’re not alone. I’m here and I’ll do anything to help you get through this. So please, stop pushing me away.” 

Alex could see that Maggie was trembling as she processed her words. Her knuckles went white as she dug her nails into her palms and stepped closer to Alex. 

“But you deserve so much better, Al…”

Alex shook her head as she took that one last step that was separating them, taking Maggie’s hand into hers after she received a small nod from her girlfriend.

“I love you  _ so much _ ,” she said, her heart hammering like crazy in her chest. “You’re all that I need, Maggie. And I’m not going anywhere, I’m gonna stay through everything, even the bad and the ugly, and I’m gonna help you get through it. I  _ love _ you, and I don’t care if takes a lifetime but I’m gonna help you see that you deserve  _ the world, _ Mags.”

“You love me?” Maggie asked, her voice small, as she stared into Alex’s eyes.

“I do,” Alex smiled, wiping the tears off of Maggie’s face. “You don’t have to say it back or anything I just-” 

“I love you too, Al,” Maggie said and Alex swore her heart actually stopped for a moment when the words registered in her brain. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Maggie smiled softly as she pulled her in for a soft, lingering kiss. “Stay with me tonight?”

“Of course.”

They climbed into the bed, Alex picking up the blanket from the floor while Maggie settled in. “Can I be the little spoon tonight?” she asked as Alex lied down next to her. 

“Hmm,” Alex hummed as she threw her arm around Maggie’s waist, pulling her closer, and buried her nose in her hair. Maggie tangled their fingers together and pulled Alex’s arm tighter around her. 

Alex thought she’d fallen asleep when Maggie spoke up, her voice quiet. “Al?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.” 

“What for?”

“Staying.”

Her heart ached at how small Maggie’s voice was, how broken she still sounded. 

She placed a soft kiss to the back of Maggie’s neck, letting her eyes close as she whispered, “I  _ love  _ you.”

She heard Maggie mumble that she loves her too and then the room was filled with her steady breaths as she fell asleep. Alex didn’t fall asleep right after, wanting to make sure that Maggie was really sleeping, before drifting off herself, holding onto her girlfriend. 

She knew they had a long way ahead of them but she was going to help her get through this, and then through all the hard and bad things in life that would come. But now she let herself drift off, her heart feeling full because she loved Maggie and Maggie loved her and they would make everything else work as long as they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are amazing! i always love to hear what y'all think so please, leave a comment or come talk to me on tumblr, peggycarterislife

**Author's Note:**

> kudos are awesome and your comments make me write:D seriously though, let me know what you think:) 
> 
> (i might write more of this?? idk?? depends on how you guys like it..:D)
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr, peggycarterislife :)


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